The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
