ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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