i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
