At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
