BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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