The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
