Who did Billy Mays play for?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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