Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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