sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
