i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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