New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
