youre lurking in front of me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
