so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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