Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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