He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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