I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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