Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
