Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
