Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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