i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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