I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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