saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
