I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
