I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
