i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the raccoons are back...
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