I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
