I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
