yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
