So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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