On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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