And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He kissed a someone with a penis
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
