The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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