Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
