I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
