i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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