I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
