If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
