...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
