apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize