Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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