yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
