I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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