It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
