"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
