I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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