Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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