this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
