if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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