My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
