i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
