can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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