Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
