Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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