I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
