i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
