You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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