just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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