i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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