I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
