Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize