No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
