Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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