he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
