i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
