"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
