So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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