Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
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I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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