You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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