i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
