Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
