Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
